October 27, 2014

While We are Waiting…

Job 13:15 (NKJV) “Though He slay me, yet will I trust Him. Even so, I will defend my own ways before Him.”

Hello Beautifuls,

About a week and a half ago, I walked across the street from my job to get coffee at 7-Eleven. While there I saw a man there with his granddaughter. He kept fussing at her for “touching everything” while he fixed up his coffee. She couldn’t have been more than 6 years old. Immediately, my eyes welled up with tears, though I smiled, because the two of them reminded me of my father with one of my daughters. The difference was my dad didn’t drink coffee and I can’t remember my dad ever chastising either of my daughters. In September and in October, I miss my dad the most because it’s the anniversary of his birth, sudden illness, and death.

This time of year (autumn) used to be a time I dealt with depression and other symptoms of seasonal affective disorder from the time I was a child, from what I can remember. (I’ve never been a real fan of autumn. J) In 2007, God healed me of it. I tested it out by not being on meds when the end of September came and I had no symptoms for two years. Then, in September of 2009 my father got very sick and passed away that October. Talk about God’s mercy on me! Who knows what kind of stress I would have been under suffering from S.A.D. and dealing with such trauma as my family experienced! I may not have been able to handle what was required of me as an adult daughter and sister at that time. I’m thankful that God healed me when he did. I believe that he looked down my life and saw the possibility of what could be and spared me.

I trust God. I think that everything happens for a reason, and everything happens in its time. Yes, I miss my father a great deal. Yes, I have bouts of grief, but nothing like when it was fresh. God was merciful throughout the entire ordeal and he continues to be merciful.

I really meant for this message to be about allowing yourself and others to grieve in the way that they need to grieve. I wanted this message to be about being gentle with ourselves and compassionate to others when it comes to dealing with loss. But, it turns out that this message is about God’s mercy and trusting in Him. There have been so many sudden deaths in my circle as of late. We ask God, “why?” His answer is to just blanket us with His love. Perhaps the answer will come when we can ask Him face to face.

While we’re here, lets be loving and compassionate to others and ourselves. Let us give God the praise while our hearts break. Let us allow God to heal us and comfort us and draw us closer to Him. While we don’t understand why things happen the way they do, let us allow God to cover us and guide us with every step we take each day. Don’t give up. Don’t despair. God hasn’t left us, not for one minute.


Kelli Raí

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